Swoops Helps Bystander Keep His Job

A bystander reported that Swoops actually helped save his job. He explained that a few days ago he wanted "to hit his co-worker in the head." He refrained. During the lunch break the bystander walked his co-worker past SGZ. Swoops made a "direct hit" on the co-worker. The co-worker was stunned. The bystander was pleased. Swoops for hire?

Double Team!

Reports have been flooding in that Mrs. Swoops has joined the Hit Parade on Front Street. This was confirmed today by AB Chronicle staff who witnessed several Husband/Wife dual hits.

The family that swoops together, stays together.

Paparazi Swoops on Swoops' Story

Local newscasters, attempting to look interested in today's Feel Good piece. Next up: Seagulls invade AT&T park after baseball games!

Swoops' Little Ones Heard Chirping Happily

There was a delightful sound this morning at SGZ. Swoops' little ones were chirping melodies from their nesting tree. Swoops was standing guard and looking pleased. AB Chronicle staff is very proud of Swoops and his little ones. Soon they will fly. We will miss them.

Giants 9-3 During Swoops' Reign

Coincidence? Chronicle staff thinks not.
Bruce Bochy could not be reached for comment.

Giants' Fans Talk About Swoops During Game

Conversation at tonight's San Francisco Giants' game turned from the Little Panda to Swoops after a seagull flew close above the crowd. One fan yelled "It's Swoops." Wrong. A bald fan stated "I have been hit twice by Swoops." Most likely true. A third commented that "there are 'Swoop' like attacks occurring around the trees at Civic Center." AB Chronicle staff to confirm. A fourth fan started to say something and then accidentally spilled his beer on his lap when he turned around to join in the conversation. He was embarrassed. His girlfriend handed him her beer and a napkin. Giants won 5-2.

Swoops Affecting Job Performance?

A startling reduction of in employee productivity in Swoops-adjacent buildings has come to the attention of AB Chronicle staff.

"It's lunchtime" was the mantra of the crowds, but staff reporter HeavyC has routinely noted crowds gather as early as 10:30 AM in the Swoops Grandstands. Lunch cannot explain everything.

Swoops was not available for comment.

Pigeons Protest Lack of Exposure

Pigeons gathered Friday afternoon to protest what they claim is biased reporting in favor of Swoops at their expense.

"We're birds and have nests too, you know. But no blogs, no interviews, no video shoots for CNN. I mean, the media is treating us like scavengers", said one protester.

Said another: "the bright lights cast on Swoops have not trickled down to us. Not one single bit."

The neglected ones

Old Time San Franciscan Says "This Is Nothing New"

A 5th generation San Francisco man reported today that "those swoopers have been getting me for over 50 years." He stated that the attacks mostly occurr when he "walks his dog by the trees" at Sloat and Morningside Drive in the Sunset District of San Francisco. He added "I have yet to backdown to the 'swoopers' and will continue to walk my dog by the trees." I have my money on the birds.

Impressive Lunchtime Display

Swoops charmed a large crowd today. AB Chronicle staff and others witnessed Swoops chase away an interloping Seagull, scoring a direct hit on said gull as far away as the 111 California Street atrium. A noble effort, truly. Also a smaller bird (possibly a starling) messed with the wrong bird and got pecked right off the block.

No pigeons have ever been reported to have been attacked.